2003-09-17 - 8:36 p.m.
Wow, hi all in diaryland, if anyone even reads this anymore. I've been reading everyone but I just haven't updated myself. Well, I should be doing statistics right now but I'll just take the time out right now to write something. Well, school is going fine so far. The semester started a few weeks ago, and it has been quite tiring. I'm taking 5 classes, three Geography classes, the second half of my statistics class that I took last semester and then Russian as well (for fun) but if I like it I may continue on with it next semester. My schedule will only increase with demand as the semesters go on, so that's really a toss-up right now on whether that will happen or not. So I've been busy, there is neverending homework and reading. I work every morning at 8 am and after that I have class, most days I don't get done until 7:30 pm or 9:30 on monday nights. Other than me being tired a lot, mostly everything has been going ok, I mean, nothing has happened wrong. I have money in the bank. I paid off a credit card recently. I'm getting some things in the mail from things I bought on ebay. But these days I have been feeling pretty depressed and lonely, even though everything is going relatively ok. I still think about Stephen every day, and although I know intellectually that he is very busy now teaching and that he probably wants to spend time with his friends, I really wish to hear from him. He emailed me a week ago saying that he would send me a longer email soon and I haven't heard anything yet. Sometimes I wonder what he actually thinks of me, does he consider me his friend? Does he ever think about me romantically like I do him? Is he lying to me, is he seeing someone else...the list goes on. Anyway, like I was saying before, I've been pretty "down" lately. I'm naturally a serious person and it seems amplified these days; I don't smile much in general, I feel isolated and alone. I dislike people. I walk on campus and literally every single person who walks by has a cigarette in their hand. I really abhor cigarettes. Growing up I had problems with asthma and my mother used to be a pretty heavy smoker, three packs a day, and I would always have to be subject to her smoke, breathing it in, coughing on it. I hated it. And now, look at everyone. Young people these days have "live for today who cares about tomorrow" attitude. It's whatever you feel like doing now, it's all about the now and not the when. And not knowing when to say "when". Anyway, doesn't anyone think anymore?
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